Reflections of a soul

Missing snowfall

2010-02-19T22:42:00.000-08:00

I miss those sweet winter mornings when I woke up in Shimla to see the golden sunshine sprinkle its rays on the newly layered snowfall on my neighbour's tin roof

I miss the pine trees that bore snowfall flakes on every branch bearing the Christmas look amidst the wilderness giving inspiration to my days

I miss the roads laden with snow, located between two mountains with fog, valleys and the snow crusher clearing off the snow

I miss the stalagmites the snowfall made on the mountain edges filled with algae

I miss the swing on top of my home that got covered with snow on New year mornings

I miss those days when we walked to school with our formals, blazers, umbrellas to watch the city covered with snow, the sunshine doing hide and seek between the trees and the skating rink buzzing with life

I miss the snowflakes romancing with my face, hair and Me....

Dear....Come again!!! Let's fight global warming!

On waking up to reality

2010-02-17T01:40:00.000-08:00

I want to wake up and live for myself. Every passing day, I somehow feel that I have been living for someone or something. It restricts me from discovering my true self. It stops me from taking risks. It keeps me away from good things in life. It troubles deep inside. It doesn’t bring transformation, but invites complacency. It keeps you in the same boat. It keeps you in the illusion that you are moving ahead. But, it is the water & everything around that is moving. The world moves on and you are in the constant mode. And then come the regrets. Because sometimes it is too late.

Lord, I want to wake up now!

If I ever express it to you, Life will change!

2010-02-17T01:33:00.000-08:00

Love is a kick, it changes life forever. The best part is that you never know how fast it all happened. Any weird time, you think of the person. You somehow know that she/he is the best. You admire her/him for what she/he is. Your journey becomes larger than life. You wake up. Life suddenly has a meaning. Life becomes more interesting than ever. You are ready to sacrifice, go through a change. You destroy all barriers to discover your true self. You live with pride. You start doing things you never thought of. You are motivated. People see a new you. You begin to live for yourselves. You are driven by a force called Love. Love transforms life.

Looking forward to that kick in life.

My first visit to a dog show- how I shunned my prejudices!

2009-02-08T03:54:00.000-08:00

I have always hated pets. And dogs especially, have been a complete turn-off. Canines scare the shit out of me. I have my own prejudices about them. I usually have a defense mechanism and an escape ready with me. I avoid going to any area where I suspect dog habitats. I always enter a stranger’s home only after ensuring that there is no pet dog therein. People with dogs are compelled to come out of their comfort zone to tie their dog in case I happen to go to their homes. I don’t go out of my home at late nights without company. I always prompt the dog to bark at me. Just put yourself in my shoes. I know you know me better now!

Do you know what happened when I was invited to a dog show by one of my friends? Try imagining….No, I did not faint…Nor did I go to the loo….Neither did I close my eyes and hide in my blanket. Unfortunately, I felt emotions of fear and anger and was compelled to use some swear words at the guy. The guy, a friend of mine named Tarlochan, laughed at me. His reaction got me going wild. I told him to give up the idea and look for a better hunt. I was not giving him company. No, I was not. Not at any cost. No way!

Tarlochan did not seem surprised. He had seen many guys like me before and was an expert with dogs. He always had a soft corner for them. He had missed his 12^th standard board exam due to a dog show. He was a hardcore maniac. Apart from his inquisitiveness and knowledge of breeds, this guy had brought up several dogs and traded them with real customers. Dogs gave him money. He was desperate. He was adamant. Tarlochan did not want to miss this chance. And so, he consoled me saying that the dog show was the best place to shun my fears and prejudices. He assured me that dogs are never let lose in dog shows. Dogs spreading fear are disqualified, he added. He also told me about exotic breeds of over a 100 varieties who would be turning up, how they are valued, mated, created, fed and bred.

I had no commitment for the day. I began to get tempted. And then, I put myself together, gave myself a pep-talk and then decided to try it. We zoomed to the Leisure Valley, Sector 10 Chandigarh where the event was to take place only to find it deserted. Tarlochan was shocked. He felt betrayed. Phew, he lamented. Sitting at the backseat of the Karizma bike, I took a deep breath. It was a breather for me. I was extremely glad inside. Yes, I had every reason to be elated. Gosh, if this Mercedez Benz car had not come that day, I would have actually gone and offers a few coconuts in the temple.

I saw this Merc approaching. The guy looked familiar with the area. I thought, I would ask him about the hallucinated Dog Show. Just when I was about to do that, he stopped and took out a huge Saint Bernard dog from his front seat. I got Goosebumps! I asked Tarlochan to speed up. I felt, it would be the first bite of my life. Barking dogs seldom bite, I had heard. This dog did not seem to bark. I began to get worried. Tarlochan had stopped the bike to watch the dog and give me quick lessons about this breed. I had seen this dog at a cousin’s home. I remember I never went to his home until he sold the dog away. Tarlochan shot a quick query and the Guy suddenly told us that the venue had been shifted to Sector-17 Chandigarh. Tarlochan’s face lit up. Quickly, he zoomed to the new destination. We jumped traffic lights and the policeman there blew his whistle. I was happy again but only for a second. But Tarlochan did not give the cop a damn. He sped faster and finally we reached the place.

I could see dogs everywhere, be it in the backseats of cars or in the rear. Some were tied to the front tyre of the car, while others were tied to hooks on the ground. German Shepherds barked out loudly. The only relief I got was from the chain suspending these canines. I had to look for a way out. Tarlochan was not going to go away before 2 hours. At once, I discovered that the best way to escape panic attacks was to camouflage with the crowd. This way, I would be able to catch a glimpse of every breed as well as avoid being bitten. Tarlochan had begun networking with prospective buyers and sellers.

I parted ways and joined the crowds. I managed to go around from stall to stall, click photos, observe different breeds, catch up on some dog stunts and drink coke. I managed to see some Dalmatians, St. Bernards, German Shepherds, Pomerians, Bull Dogs, Afghan Hounds and a few other dogs. Would you believe it, I saw dogs costing 40lakh, 50 lakh and 60 lakhs. All of a sudden, I was surprised to see Actress and Model, Gul Panag sitting modestly with her dog in a stall. There was absolutely no rush whatsoever around her. People had not recognized her although a couple of mediapersons had managed to learn about her identity. At once, people rushed in and she left. Her dog was an average one. I got to see breeds from different countries there. People had come from far and wide to display their dog there. There was a competition going on. Ratings were being given. Prizes were being distributed. The crowd at the venue also seemed metropolitan.

I gave Tarlochan a call and we managed to reconnect. I was much better placed now. Quickly, I managed to get a feel of innocent pups with his help. Suddenly, I felt, I didn’t panic anymore. I picked up pups in my arms, caressed them and took a glimpse of their innocent faces. There were lots of dog patrons and lovers. I heard people around me discuss about the dog’s sister, brother, mother, cousin, etc. I began to like the place. People displayed all kinds of feelings for pets. My face lit up too. My prejudices were all shunned. My heartbeat rate was pretty normal. It was fun. I returned home after spending 3 hours. This experience will remain dear to me!

5 New Year resolutions we love to make and break!

2008-12-31T18:14:00.000-08:00

1. I will exercise and shed weight!

2. I will quit smoking and drinking!

3. I will be organized, I will stick to a schedule!

4. I will enjoy life and spend more time with family and friends!

5. I will not break my resolutions!!!

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2009! May this year bring you good luck in all your endeavours. Wish the best for you and for the world!

A visit to Chandigarh's outskirts- Yes! I brought cheer on a poor kids face.

2008-12-02T06:52:00.000-08:00

The "Ghaggar river" has been a boon and bane for the city residents. Boon as it provides water, provides a room for submersion of idols, performance of religious rituals, last rites, washermans den, living to the rural people and agricultural productivity. Bane as the over-bridge has been the breeding ground for traffic and accidents. I have never heard of anyone drowning in the river or the occurrence of floods though.

My visit to the river was brief. A beautiful damaged idol of Lord Ganesha, an Indian Diety, that had been had been lying in the rare of my car for a couple of weeks was to be submerged in water and it was high time I went there.

My tyrst with the poor

Anywayz, I zoomed across the over-bridge and went towards the river through a rocky man-made path on a rickety two-wheeler. I got down with the Ganesh idol to submerge it in the flowing water. There were a couple of families that had come for obvious reasons and a few kids who lived beside the river in tents asked me if they can do my bit of work. After some apprehensions, I agreed. "I would send it for the first time and then they can pick it up and go in later." This was the consensus and we did so.

The children were there to make some money from people who come there. Had it been something of value to them, they would have picked it up and taken it home. But then, I pitied them and asked the small child not to go so deep. He came back safely and two of his friends joined in.

After I saw the Ganesh Idol safely float across and disappear, I asked the children about the class they studied in. As expected, they replied in negative, "we dont study." I dont know why, was it the lack of time or what, I dint care to ask them, 'WHY' and moved on. I put my hand in my pocket and the child asked me for money. After some fishing I made the 3 of them happy by giving them some currency notes. "Wow, mast hai..sahi hai..." were the screams of glee. It seemed as if I was their first catch for the day. The child then ran in joy across the shore and got on to his cycle with excitement and said, "Bjaiya dekho, main cycle chala sakta hoon" (See, I can ride a bicycle). I smiled at him and told him to ride. The other guy too chipped in and said he could drive. I gave them a mechanical praise. The third child ran across and sent the word to his friends. I asked them where the money would go? They replied, we would buy some good plaything for ourselves. I told them not to give it to their parents if they smoke or drink and they replied in affirmative.

When I sit down now, I think, I should have spent more time with them. My boss would have fired me if I did not reach the AGRO TECH conference where the round table discussion on the food processing industry was going on and make a press release.

However, as I write this, I feel a spiritual bug, a sense of contentment and happiness that comes from rare acts of kindness and selflessness. I guess, I made them happy. They would remember this. And I shoud for get this. ("Forget the good done by you to others," my master said). When I look up now, WoW....its been a great....One meaningful day after long...what a feeling

And yet, the poem gallops in my mind-

"Miles to Go Before I Sleep"

Look she has come into my life...

2008-10-22T06:08:00.000-07:00

Well, she has been my best friend. Every cold wintry night, I remember her, hug her, she gets over me and I cant do anything but gasp in reunion. And then, I sleep in her company; a pleasure not even gifted to God, as he is pure and white!

Be it the early foggy morning that comes in the aftermath of my scene with her or the windy day that goes by, she keeps me activated and energetic as ever. Infact, I have set up my office on her, where i explore, research and pen down my thoughts!

She is with me in all seasons. She never deserts me. She is different, unique and one of her kind. I never knew I would end up with her after my initial years of solitude. She has been the real change in my life.

She has been gentle as ever, so polite and so caring, that she makes me think over, "Can someone be so faithful and unselfish?" She is a real darling.

When I travel, get preoccupied, open my books, or even get tired, its her I look to for comfort. So deep is my emotional bond with her that I am insecure, "what if we part ways"

On busy mornings, I place aside her smeared clothes, do her up sometimes, feel her soft skin, listen to her deep sighs, feel the tranquility within and wish I could be with her for the whole day.

She is my hope for sunny days and rainy nights and I cant help but giving out words in praise for her, I cant resist. It is time for some gratitude after long.

God, She must be happy if she saw this. She would love me like never. But what if she never read? Afterall, the deepest feelings are never expressed; they are felt and cherished!

To you my love,

I love you as ever and will continue to love you with time. Don't desert me. I wish to be with you throughout my life! And hopefully we will remain united.

You are my sweetheart, my honey, my love: my couch!

Could i have changed this cats destiny?

2008-10-14T01:54:00.001-07:00

Last week I turned up at the garage of my home,
A bunch of property hunters surrounded me,
They area was being surveyed,
The businessman in me, working overtime!

A busy road caught my attention behind,
Vehicles with people waiting to get home rushed by,
Greed, not speed was their need,
They lure of a few extra minutes at home!

While the client was busy on his phone,
I saw an old woman trying to cross the road by herself,
She seemed insecure, lonely and brisk,
An over speeding car passing by, just missed her,
I guess i too skipped a heartbeat seeing the sight!

Just then, a cat came near me,
I never liked cats and dogs,
It dint occur to me to take a second look,
The cat too looked insecure like the old lady,

However, my eyes fell upon it again,
The cat bent in fear, just like the way humans shiver,
A cyclist shooing it away, I did feel some pity for it,
But was taken back into my conversation with the property party!

We finished up our negotiations,
Did the handshake,
I Got on to my vehicle
And Turned the key to go,

I crossed the road to my side,
I raised the accelerator,
Only to apply the brakes again!

A pool of blood lay there,
This very sight hurt me,
I felt yuck and pity together,
I never liked cats!

The cat had been washed away by a speeding vehicle,
The post mortem would reap no fruit,
It was the lady and it was the cat,
One deadly road that connected them

There was nothing i could do that evening,
It was unpleasant and affective,
I could only hope and pray,
That the death was for good..

For a higher purpose or a new birth,
For a new meaning and new lease,
The only thing still bothering me is...
Could i have changed the cats destiny?

As an eternal optimist my heart would say,
"Thank God for the lesson that lay"

The cats departure infused love and care,
In my bossom that lay there bare,
At once i knew the purpose God showed me the sight!
How little is life, You never know when the last second is due!

A prayer from a deep thinkers heart...

2008-09-18T09:24:00.001-07:00

I think i am a deep thinker...
I think, introspect, peep within,scratch my brains and execute some soul searching...

Somehow, i am never content with myself...
Somehow, i have been irresponsible...

Am i too selfish and lost in myself???
Am I made for something greater???

Is it just uneasiness or is something repressed therein???
Is it a sub conscious shame, an inability, an unfulfilled desire???

There is this thing bothering me inside...
There is fire, passion, positive attitude and yet, there is guilt, laziness, insensitivity...whats it?

Yes, the answer is coming...
Yes, I got to blurt it out for good....

It is a spiritual responsibility, an underachieved desire,
It is something that needs a magnanimous heart,

God, Let my heart expand like the sunshine that expands its horizons...
God, let me feel for my fellowmen....

Let me contribute...
Let me be the change...

May i not shy away....
May it not be late...

Let me help your children...

There is nothing I have not,
There is a problem, i have been self centred,

Liberate me, forgive me, let me make a difference,
The word is ailing..Its me whoz forgetting you...

I apologize, i atone and I give a pep-talk to myself,
I can do it better!!!

Thank you lord for this new found realization,
Let me start afresh! Let me start now!!!

Melancholy Memoirs – Part I

2008-09-03T00:42:00.000-07:00

Last evening t’was time to gay wild ‘n’ sinful,

I fit myself into my-new-crush cotton shirt,

Zoomed to the party with Gifts handful,

My menu consisted of something like Yoghurt!

I talked to my hearts content across the table,

Teased some buddies n saw some teddies,

Joy it was on everyonez face in ample,

May be my ice cream shake missed its cherries!

Meanwhile, the burrr’day song seemed fading,

And the flames on the chocolate cake put-off,

Rush hour it was, the time of the evening,

Got up from my chair for a courteous push-off!

Gloomy and unfulfilled at the depart,

With Ritualistic farewells and ThanQ’s everywhere,

Not kinda’ a happening evening said my heart,

Do you think I did dare to uncover laughter ‘n’ cheer elsewhere!